


but this photo of us

by sybarite1



Series: We Never Put The FUN In Dysfunctional (Until Now) [6]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Codependency, Dialogue, Fluff, Gen, Happy Ending, Humor, Post They Save The World
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 11:45:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18180173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sybarite1/pseuds/sybarite1
Summary: Eventually they wind up in a tabloid.





	but this photo of us

Eventually they wind up in a tabloid. It’s doubtful that any of them would have even seen it but Five still gets up, puts on a suit and goes out to get the papers like it’s the nineteen twenties. He’s always back for breakfast so everyone’s at the table when he drops a copy of the Daily News before retreating behind the New York Times like usual.

BILLIONAIRES IN SECRET CULT?

“Is it weird that that’s more plausible than seven rich adult siblings just wanting to live together?” Vanya makes a good point.

“At least we made the front page,” quips Ben, drowning his pancakes in syrup. Returning to all of the senses of his corporeal form has left him with a real hedonistic streak. He almost cried the first time he got to eat pizza again.

“Begs the question,” says Klaus, “which of us do they think is the cult leader?”

Luther swallows what he’d been chewing and grabs the magazine. He flips through until he finds the pages dedicated to them.

“Hmm...” he scans and everyone watches him with interest. Even Five has folded down a corner of his paper.

“Seems like they think Dad from beyond the grave or Allison because it’d make a newsworthy story.”

Everyone huffs in annoyance, including Allison, who would make a good cult leader even if she weren’t famous, thank you very much. Even Vanya seems put out.

“Ah well,” says Klaus, “we all know I’m the only one who truly has the flair for it.”

“Excuse me?”

“As if.”

“Like hell.”

“Is flair really the term?”

“Cults are about _rules_ ,” Luther points out, “And you’re _terrible_ with rules.”

“Fair point,” concedes Klaus, “That’s why I’m putting _you_ in charge of rules.”

“Oh,” Luther sits back, a little pink from being handed a promotion so soon. Vanya stares at Luther in disbelief.

“Divide and conquer, eh?” says Diego, kind of impressed. Klaus just winks in reply.

“Now, who else would like to join my cult?”

“What’s its stance on coffee?” Asks Five.

They never get round to properly reading the article but breakfast does run long.

**Author's Note:**

> In this arc:  
> \- Ben is alive  
> \- Klaus is sober  
> \- Five is aged up  
> \- Allison can speak  
> \- Vanya can control her powers  
> \- Luther is 100% human again and  
> \- Diego still stutters because you’ll pry that from my cold, dead hands.
> 
> Also, while this is tagged gen, it’s also tagged for codependency. These guys aren’t necessarily having healthy and well-adjusted relationships with each other, even if they are enjoying them. They’re not great at boundaries, for starters, and they come back clingy af. Also, while I anticipate adding more gen pieces, I may also add pieces that flirt with shipping or that have pairings outright, because, like I said, they’re not great with boundaries and they’re clingy af. They will be tagged accordingly so you can avoid them if preferred. My last caveat is that this is horribly self-indulgent. I just wanted to write them kinda happy and together and I’m well aware that I’m posting three glasses of wine in. Apologies in advance.


End file.
